Detective Char, PI
by Dream Ablaze
Summary: A brilliant mind. Excellent resources. Expensive gadgets. Unfortunately, this is one private eye who has none of these. But when Detective Char is on the case, you know it'll be solved!...meaning eventually stumbled across. R&R or DIEE. xD T for violence.


**Prologue**

_Okay, I know it's short, but it's just a prologue. x3 Please don't take any of it seriously, by the way. xD_

Once upon a time, there was an old woman Charizard who worked at the Kwik-E-Mart. Since everyone was under the impression that Charizards were the strongest Pokemon ever, the owner made her work the "night" shift, from 12 am to 7 am. However, Granny Charizard was very weak, and nobody really knew how she'd evolved that much. Whenever she tried to breathe out fire, it was only smoke, and smelled like mothballs. Her wings were dusty and sometimes she thought she saw spiders running around on them (but she couldn't be sure, since her eyesight was terrible). Nevertheless, it was she who had to deal with the junkies and gangsters who stopped in at all hours of the night.

One auspicious night, she was sitting back behind the counter, on the "new" (aka early nineties) computer the owner of the Kwik-E-Mart had bought. Granny Charizard was on surfing the PokeSingles site for someone who matched her profile ("_I like taking long walks on the beach, listening, talking, caring, and eating soup_._ I want to meet a Pokeman who can rub my feet and make soup_"). She'd just clicked on Sexy Psyduck Sam's profile ("_I really like watching 'My Super Sweet Sixteen'_") when the door flew open and a gangsturr came in. However, he was also kind of like a ninja: he wore all black, and his face wasn't visible.

"Hello, young man. How can I help you?" Granny Charizard asked him with a smile.

"YO, DAWG. DIE!" yelled the now obviously pathetic gangsturr as he pulled out his 35 millimeter Pentax (uhh…) and riddled Granny Charizard with bullets.

Then, the ninja gangsturr grabbed a "SUPA-SIZE" cup and filled up a Blueberry Squishie. After doing this, he left, slapping down a twenty on the counter. "KEEP THA CHANGE," he said as he stalked out into the night.

-x-

It wasn't until the next day that the Char family found out about their granny's death.

The Char family consisted of Charmelemom Char, her husband Ed the silent Charmeleon Char, Charles Char, Charlotte Char, Charmalexander Char, and Char Char. They were all Charmanders, besides the parents.

That morning, Charmelemom was yelling (as usual) at her kids, and Ed the Charmeleon was making breakfast silently.

"NOW! CHARLES, YOU'D BETTER LEAVE YOUR LITTLE BROTHERS CHARMALEXANDER AND CHAR ALONE TODAY!" Charmelemom screeched.

"Okaaaaay, Mom," Charles groaned as his voice cracked. He was the oldest, twelve, and was sick of being the oldest but also sick of being a kid. His thirteenth birthday was tomorrow, and he was looking forward to FINALLY having an excuse to being moody and angsty: those wonderful teenage years! Already he was excited about puberty and being able to label himself. He thought he was going to try for being the emo-kid, since he'd heard so much about them from chat rooms, but he really wasn't sure.

"AND CHARLOTTE, HAVE YOU TAKEN YOUR PILLS TODAY?"

Charlotte, ten, had to take pills so she didn't take over the world. It was an extremely rare and sad disease she had, and Nurse Joy had barely seen it before, except in such obvious cases as Mewtwo and Giovanni. Actually, the disease had been named after the most diabolical of them all, and was now called Pikachu Syndrome. But when Charlotte was medicated, she was sweet and happy. "Yes, mother dearest!"

"CHARMALEXANDER, DON'T YOU DARE EAT THOSE CUPCAKES!"

"Aww, but Ma!" pleaded Charmalexander. He was the obese one in the otherwise extremely thin family. Nurse Joy had told him that by eating incessantly, he was giving those who were genetically overweight a bad name, but Charmalexander thought she only said that because Chansey was her Pokemon. Charmalexander was eight, and apparently a genius, though he didn't care about anything but food.

"NO, FATTY. NOW, CHAR, WHY DON'T YOU GO VISIT GRANNY AT THE KWIK-E-MART BEFORE SHE LEAVES?"

"Okay!" Char smiled. He was the perfect child, who was thought of to be another up-and-coming genius. He could recite Pi out further than Charmalexander, and he often did Charles' homework as well as Ed the Charmeleon's expense reports. Char was also very loving and kind, and was everyone's favorite. While the others all had obvious psychological issues (labeling, Pikachu Syndrome, overeating), Char Char, five, was the epitome of perfect. Even Charmelemom couldn't find much to yell at him about.

"CHAR, TAKE THESE MUFFINS TO GRANNY. SHE'LL BE EVER SO HAPPY."

"Okay, Mummy!" Char agreed happily, taking the basket of muffins from her. He left the house and skipped off towards the Kwik-E-Mart. It was a beautiful day: birds were singing, the sun was shining, and all the seedy underbelly had gone off to pass out on someone else's couch. Char sang a happy song about Beedrills as he hopped along:

LALALA BEEEEDRILLS!

LALALA BEEEEDRILLS!

THEY ARE SO YELLOW

WITH STRIPES OF BLACK

LALALA BEEEEDRILLS!

E EQUALS MC SQUARED!

Yes, he was a genius, but behind that, of course, he was five.

They lived very close, and so Char reached the Kwik-E-Mart in a few minutes (fifty times of singing the song).

As the automatic door slid open and Char skipped in, he looked up to see his Granny… but she was collapsed over the keyboard on a huge, square computer. Char hopped up onto the counter, and poked her. "Granny?"

She didn't make a sound.

"Granny?" he asked again.

Still there was nothing.

"Granny… are you… dead?" Suddenly, Char saw the blood. "Granny, blood only turns red when it's exposed to oxygen… so…" He blinked and grabbed the phone behind the counter, dialing 911. "HELP!"

An ambulance came quickly, and Char climbed in the back with her. When they got to the Pokemon Center, Nurse Joy gasped. "This Charizard's tail has burnt out!"

Char watched with big eyes. "So?"

"We have to try and bring her back to life!" Nurse Joy moved Granny Charizard to a hospital bed, not really noticing all the various gunshots. Grabbing those electric shocky things that should be given credit for playing the starring role in _ER_, Nurse Joy screamed, "CLEAR!" and brought them both down on her tail. After many tries, it still failed to light.

"I'm very sorry, but your grandmother is dead," Nurse Joy said sadly.

Char gasped. "Noo! Granny!" The muffins he'd been carrying ever since spilled out of the basket despairingly and rolled underneath the hospital bed. "Granny! Please wake up! GRANNY!"

But she never did.

Two days later, she had ten new responses in her email from the eligible Pokelads at PokeSingles who never got a reply back.

-x-

A few months later, the Char family was all sitting around the dining table. Granny Charizard was finally buried next to her late husband, Old Fart Char, and the family was all trying to move on with their lives.

"GUESS WHAT I GOT IN THE MAIL FROM THE SCHOOL?" Charmelemom yelled.

"A penguin!" volunteered Charmalexander.

"What the HELL is a penguin?" Charles demanded squeakily, as he scratched at a zit that was forming on his face.

"Uh… Did I say penguin? I meant to say… Golduck!"

"NO, YOU LOSE," Charmelemom screeched. "AND STOP POURING ALL THAT GRAVY DOWN YOUR THROAT!"

"Aw, but Ma! It's _meaty_!"

"EAT THE DINNER I MADE FOR YOU! STEAMED WATER AND HASHED TURNIPS!"

"Why did you steam _water_?" Charmalexander asked, confused.

"IT HAS LESS CALORIES THAT WAY!" Charmelemom shoved an empty plate at Charmalexander. "NOW, EAT YOUR WATER."

"Mother dearest, whatever did you get in the mail from our lovely learning establishment?" Charlotte asked.

Ed the silent Charmeleon chewed his grilled Pidgey silently.

"I GOT A LETTER. IT SAYS THAT TOO MANY POKEMON ARE LACKING DIRECTION THESE DAYS, AND THAT WE SHOULD BE ENCOURAGING CAREERS TO OUR CHILDREN, OR ELSE THEY'LL ALL BE CAPTURED AND TRAINED."

"I already know what I wanna be!" Charmalexander said brightly.

"WHAT, FATTER THAN YOU ALREADY ARE?"

"Sort of! A food critic!"

"DIDN'T YOU SEE THAT EPISODE OF _THE SIMPSONS_? THEY'LL KILL YOU. CHARLOTTE, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE?"

"Well, I was thinking about being a humanitarian." Charlotte frowned, looking down at her grilled Pidgey. "There isn't enough love in the world right now." She stabbed the Pidgey with her fork and wolfed it down. "We're all too busy fighting and killing to realize that we should all be friends. Dad, pass the roasted Caterpie? Oh, and the Rattatta gravy, please."

"WATCH OUT, YOU'LL END UP LIKE FATTY MC CHAR OVER THERE IF YOU'RE NOT CAREFUL."

"Doesn't anyone want to know what _I_ want to be?" sighed Charles. "Nobody cares about me at all. It's not fair! I hate the world!"

"SHUT UP AND TELL US, PIZZA FACE!"

Charles covered his zits protectively. "Why does everyone hate me?" he whined, his voice cracking many times. "Well, I want to be…" He hesitated, thinking of what would upset them the most. "Ash's Charmander in the TV series!"

Charmelemom leaped up, eyes blazing. "CHARLES, YOU UGLY BOY, GO TO YOUR ROOM!"

Charles sulked off to his room, slamming the door. He began to play music loudly as he drew possessed demon things on his walls and yelled "IT'S NOT FAAAAAIR" along with the lyrics.

"NOW, MY SWEET FAVORITE," Charmelemom said, "WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE?"

Ever since he'd seen his Granny Charizard dead, Char had gone through all the emotional trauma that children do when they are, well, emotionally traumatized. First, he'd been shocked, then in denial, then he'd accepted it… etc, etc. His mood swings were almost as bad as Charles's. But in the past months, after he'd gone through the stages, he was much more reserved than he'd once been. He was now quieter, and didn't pay attention in school. He barely talked to his family, and though he'd gone to counseling with an overeager Alakazam, nothing had changed.

But, he'd been doing a lot of introspection, and one of the things he'd concluded was what he wanted to be. It was mostly because of Granny Charizard's death, because he wanted so badly to find the killer and make them pay. He wasn't sure how he'd go about doing it, but he _had_ seen movies on TV. And movies were always right, obviously.

"I want to be… a detective!" Char announced.

Everyone stared at him, dropping their food. They had all stopped eating, except for Charmalexander, who was wolfing down the non-non-fat food while Charmelemom was busy.

The staring was finally broken when Charlotte started growing larger and biting things, and Charmelemom had to force her to take her pills. Later, Charmelemom yelled at Char kindly, trying to get him to give up his dream. But, alas, he was as determined to be a detective as Ed the silent Charmeleon was determined not to say a word about anything he knew.

_Chapter One will be up soon! Please review... even though I know not a lot has happened yet. xD_


End file.
